My Own Private Serengeti

Boy, do I love videos about lions! And I am so jealous of this "Lion Whisperer" guy getting to roll around with lions like this. The fact that this guy can be "friends" with lions and style their manes and french kiss them is totally awesome, but at the same time, I'm sure at some point he'll end up getting mauled in a random lion/human misunderstanding. It only takes one, and you know who'll win in that fight. Good luck, buddy!

Here's another ridiculously heartwarming video about Christian the Lion and his human friends. Try to ignore the fact that Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" is the soundtrack, and tell me if your cold bastard heart doesn't melt just a little at this one.

The closest I've come to an actual lion is paying $25 at the MGM Grand in Vegas to have my picture taken petting a baby lion, a decision I still am glad my pal Camilla and I made. Even though it was a little exploitative for the lion and I felt kinda sleazy and touristy, it was still awesome. And we took a good photo, I think. Other than my visible bra strap, which I wish I could Photoshop out.

I don't know what it is about me and lions, but they've always been prominent in my life. My school mascot was the Lisle Lion; even my summer park district swim team mascot was the sea lion. I've heard more cheers and chants using lion euphemisms than probably 97% of humanity.

Zodiacally, I'm a Leo (yup, the Lion), and those who know me know that I take my astrology pretty arbitrarily seriously. I'm really big on birthdays, and checking my horoscope constantly, and coming up with weak-ass, questionable theories as to why people are behaving the way they are based on the position of constellations on the day of their birth. When I started buying lighters with my astrological symbol on them, I realized that no one could "accidentally" steal my Leo lighter and get away with it, except for maybe other Leos, whom I can easily hunt down and kill. So I pretty much always have one on hand.

My lion-persona fever was definitely cemented when I got my lion face/sun tattoo on my left shoulder. People always dig that tattoo, and it makes me happy all the time when I see it. I feel like I really started getting into this "power animal" thing and just went with it. I started thinking to myself, "What would I do if I were a female lion in a pride on the Serengeti in a comparable situation?" It's really a very effective strategy, sort of like "WWJD?" but a lot more hippie/pagan/fun. It also helps me to remember that I am an animal first and foremost and to keep my survival instincts (and my proverbial "claws") sharp, just in case.

There are a variety of ways in which I feel that I am lion-esque:

1. I am inherently feline, prone to meowing, purring, kneading the flesh of others with my paws, biting, licking, hissing, scratching, nuzzling things with my head and face, grooming myself and others with my own saliva, and generally wanting to be petted and adored, all the while asserting my right to be emotionally independent and incurably self-centered.

2. My hair is a very prominent physical characteristic. I'd say it dominates my "look" (and often other peoples faces in photos). People notice my crazy hair all the time, and I'm pretty sure if someone were trying to describe me to someone else, it'd start with, "You know her, she's got like, big, reddish, curly hair..."

I am quite ritualistic and perhaps even superstitious about my "mane" and its powers. It's my secret weapon. I'll wear it down completely for maximum effect, or put it up out of my face or in a hat when I need to conceal it. I started growing my hair after my last major breakup, and I simultaneously figured out how to make it super-curly without looking stupid. The longer I grow it, the better I feel about it. I have perfected my "hair routine" and have it on a schedule which dominates my beauty regimen and my workout schedule. It's quite ridiculous, but everyone's vain about something, I suppose.

3. I can be incredibly lazy and above all seek comfort, pleasure, food, sun, and group harmony.
I adore a luxurious nap in the heat of the afternoon, a good old-fashioned mating session, and a big ass zebra steak for dinner with my posse.

4. I can also have rare moments of pure, unadulterated bloodlust in which I roar loudly to terrify and then go straight for the jugular without realizing my own strength. I don't fight often, but when I do, I will admit, I fight mean. I usually turn back into a sweet little kitten after that and apologize, though.

5. Female lions are the ones who hunt, track, and kill prey for the rest of the pride. I am definitely makin' sure that my community is getting fed, and I generally feel I was put on this earth to "take care" of people and make sure the whole group's needs are provided for.

6. I definitely notice and adhere to dominance hierarchies and role distribution within social groups. There are alphas and betas, hunters, breeders, bullies, caregivers, scouts, etc., and shit gets f'ed up when individuals don't know their appropriate place. I am a loyal, social animal who thinks the rules are (mostly) there to protect us, and I am happiest when operating as part of a cohesive team.

7. Lions are called the "King of the Jungle". Which is funny because I don't think they typically live in jungles. But they certainly are frequently symbolically likened to royalty/leadership/"all-knowing" figures in literature, mythology and Disney movies. I often like to be at least partially in charge and I sometimes get bossy. I was always one of the official or unofficial team leaders on school projects and school teams and clubs, and am most comfortable when co-leading groups with another leader who balances me out. I am often sought for my trivial knowledge, opinions, and psychological counsel (or offer them without being asked). And I certainly consider myself the Queen of my own Personal Universe, which is a lot like a jungle but a bit less sweaty.

8. Lions are total badasses, and can kill pretty much anything they can catch, but they don't really try to abuse their power, other than to get shit done according to nature's will and get enough to get by just like everybody else. They're intimidating and powerful, but also respectable, noble creatures. Me too, at least I strive to be.

I'm Ok, You're Ok, the Caterpillar's Ok.

Check out this awesome story I read on National Geographic about self-medicating caterpillars!

"Some caterpillars munch on drug-laced leaves to rid themselves of crippling parasites, a new study finds."

This story makes me feel a little better about myself for self-medicating. Maybe I am just smoking and drinking in order to make myself unsavory to predators or to help rid my body of crippling parasitic stuff that's trying to live in me. It's nice to think that it's a perfectly natural biological phenomenon for some organisms to get fucked up, but within reason. Purge out all of the stress and no fun that eats away at our insides. Perhaps I am just like the woolly-bear caterpillar; I now just need to metamorphose into a moderately poisonous butterfly.

What my Goodwill VHS Tape Purchases say about me as a person...

So I was wandering around the Goodwill in Shoreline shortly before it closed last night, and I rediscovered one of my favorite hobbies: buying kickass old VHS tapes for a buck or less and owning them forever.

To be honest, I hate DVDs and CDs in general for their scratchability factor...I'd much prefer cassette tapes and VHS forever, as you can pretty much dropkick that technology and it still works. In general, I feel it's best to listen to music, watch movies, etc. on the format for which it was originally created. Classic rock albums just sound better on vinyl even if they're scratchy, and old 80's and 90's movies just look better on VHS with the tracking all bouncy and the sound all muddled. New DVD menus for old movies kind of bother me; they just feel so retroactive. Plus, VHS tapes have the unique time capsule element of showing awesome previews from around the same time the "feature presentation" came out, so you can be reacquainted with the whole "zeitgeist" and cultural context of the film. Even better than previews--special features like a music video after the movie, or, my personal favorite, public service messages like Magic Johnson and Arsenio Hall's "Time Out: HIV, AIDS, and You" promo on my copy of Wayne's World. It just brings me back and I get a huge kick out of it.

Needless to say, most of my old favorites are findable, as well as obscure stuff I didn't ever think I'd see again. It's always a nice adventure through movieland, and a challenge to decide what's repeatedly watchable and worth the space on my video shelf.

This particular night, I was like a drunken sailor in the video section, and within about 5 minutes of browsing, I had a stack of like 9 tapes under my arm. I did a little bit of editing and decided I probably didn't need the old 80's cartoon "Frosty the Snowman" TV Special or "How The Grinch Stole Christmas." But I did need:

1. A Charlie Brown Christmas (Classic. Totally embedded into my childhood memories in ways I probably don't even understand.)



2. The original claymation Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Long live the Island of Misfit Toys! I've always had a soft spot for societal rejects, even make-believe clay ones.)




3. Fried Green Tomatoes (I get PMS, okay?!)
4. The Birdcage (Faghag, fruitfly, say what you will, I love drag
queens.)

5. Happy Gilmore (One of the most quotable movies ever; I adore early Adam Sandler! Thanks also to one of my ex-boyfriends for stealing my original copy of this at some point, thus forcing me to replace it with this new one.)
6. Disney's Fantasia (I wanna hate Disney, but I also wanna get baked and watch Fantasia...it's a dilemma I'm willing to struggle with. I also rationalized this because I figure the money for this VHS tape is already in Disney's pocket at this point and my money is going towards Goodwill training someone to use a cash register.)
7. The Tao of Steve.

This one I had totally forgotten about. It's a sweet little sleeper movie from the late 90's about love and dating and philosophy and wasting your potential and finding your faith in stuff. It's funny when movies come back to you at exactly the right time, when suddenly you realize you are old enough to be the target audience and can understand and identify with characters in totally different ways than you did last time you watched it. That's what happened this time I watched it.

It's well-written, pretty low budget, and cast with no one you've ever heard of before or since. My dad loved it, as I recall. I drank an entire pot of coffee, painted my nails, and enjoyed the hell outta that one. Maybe it's a cheesy chick flick, but I don't think so. A dude wrote it, but a chick directed it. Either way, it was a great way to spend a Sunday morning and 99 cents. Highly recommended!